Sometimes, we ask ourselves – is it really so hard to find true love in the gay community? But this isn’t the right question to ask.
Truth is – everyone on this planet asks this question – can I find true love and it’s not just the gay people who do? The reason why we ask this question isn’t because true love doesn’t exist. It does. But we ask this question because we want to want to fantasise about love – the arduousness of the journey makes our journey to find love more romantic, or so we think.
The reason why we cannot find love is because how we go into it:
- If we do not know what we want, when we meet a new guy, what we are doing is that we are ‘wading’ into each guy we meet, and hoping that things will work out. When things don’t, we blame the guy or we think that love isn’t possible. But have we thought about what we did (or not) which resulted in the relationship not working out? We need to understand ourselves first and foremost.
- If we meet someone and get into a relationship with them very soon, do we really know the person? We don’t. When we start getting to know the person some time down the road and start realising that this person isn’t who we want to be (or it could be the other way round), what do we do? We had allowed ourselves to walk into a relationship too quickly without understanding someone else, and when it doesn’t work out, we choose to think gay love isn’t possible. Is this the case? The issue here that we need to understand is why we want love so much that we would walk into anything blindly?
Thing is, it’s very easy to blame it on being gay and to think that gay love isn’t possible. It’s very easy to romanticise the notion that my life is sad because I am gay and because I am gay, love isn’t possible. Woe is my life. What is happening is that we already have pre-conceived notions that being gay is tough so we want to affirm it is by thinking that gay love isn’t possible. It makes us wallow in ourselves – in a warped way, it makes us feel important when we wallow in self-pity. Then enough already – it’s about time we get out of it.
Whether being gay is a sad thing or whether it’s a wonderful thing – that’s entirely up to us.
We can make it worthwhile to be gay – understand ourselves, what we want and learn to go about getting it in as responsible a way as we can to ourselves.
I am saying it only because it is possible – because there are many people who are learning to do it in a responsible way (to themselves) and there are many people who continue to believe.